Man Up!!

I wasted much time in my life. I spent much of my college career in the bottom of a bottle, passed out in a bathtub, making those around me suffer and in general just getting as far away from my “problems” as possible. Studying consisted of drinking vodka with a friend until we passed out and woke up the next morning to go to class. I destroyed friendships, hated being sober and just was a horrible person. At the time I didn’t care, I found justifications for everything, its easy to justify and rationalize anything to our liking. The thing is the problems were never solved and in fact I made them much worse. Except for a few friends who stuck around me I don’t talk to anyone from college. I could blame the drinking, but lets face it that’s just a lie. It was me, my heart was black and was in need of healing. I had friends who invited me to Chi Alpha at SHSU, but I just blew them off, what could God do with me? I was broken beyond repair and didn’t care to try anything.

When Kristi and I got married I settled down a little, but still there were times when I would just turn away from her and to drinking. Mindless self destroying drinking was my drug for any sickness. I said horrible things and was so unhappy. We did start going to church eventually, but it didn’t last. I want to blame the church, but again I am to blame. We didn’t go anywhere else, we didn’t even try. It was over 2-3 years before we set foot inside a church. In the mean time I spent lots of money to fill a void in my life. Bought all kinds of cool things, it was great!!! Can you feel the sarcasm? Hopefully so. Obviously the void was never filled. It was a God sized hole, couldn’t be damned up with money, alcohol, drugs ,etc.

When Kristi and I found out we were going to have babies a lot of things changed, but some didn’t. We started going to church every week. The first time we knew it was a place that we felt welcome. Miracles were happening in our lives, with the birth of our girls being a catalyst for change. I look how far I have come from the dark times and realize that there is still much further to go. Thank you Jesus for saving my life, marriage, family. Going through all of these times I tried to rely on only myself which did not work. God had a different plan.

I hurt when I see people I love trying to rely on their own strength and falling. It will not work, been there, tried that.

I struggled with taking care of my spiritual life first, family second. Oddly enough the first is taking care of the second. If you are struggling the best use of time is to pray often, real quiet time, rely on Jesus to carry you in pain. There is a way out, one way out just give it up to the Lord. Obsessive Facebook, TV, Wii, drugs, alcohol, spending money, working out, provide temporary relief but will not set you free.

I know from experience.

Brian